Square Pig in a Round Hole-May 6, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

Right on schedule, it’s May and Seattle has already had a foretaste of summer in the form of two warm days and a thunderstorm. Didn’t even have to go out to hear some noise! And there’s no shortage of noise of the band variety, either. Here are the names that came to my attention this week:

All Them Witches

A rustic locution serving to downplay their spooky power. So many witches.

Cashmere Cat

As if they weren’t soft enough already.

Left on Tenth

Mundane phrases make reliably good band names. Also, I cross 10th on my drive to work. The street doesn’t go through, so if I turned left, I’d wind up in the park.

The Magic Beans

. . . and the next thing you know, you’ve got giants falling from the sky. Might be worth it, though.

Marble

Actual warning label on a bag of marbles: “Toy contains a marble.” If it didn’t, you’d want your money back.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-April 29, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

I’m recovering from a chest cold that was bookended by two shows in which I had to sing and drum. I thought I was tired and sore after the first one merely because of staying up late and hauling gear, but now I think darker forces were at work. I wasn’t back to 100% by the second show, but felt better by the end of it, not worse. Anecdotal evidence that singing, or music in general, is good for you. What else is good for health and morale? Why, good band names, of course! Check these out:

The Falcons of Fine Dining

I’m a sucker for intentional pretentious nonsense. “Tonight’s special is squab, punched out of the sky at 200 mph, then roasted with a medley of baby vegetables.”

The New Up

Formerly known as Down. It’s a topsy turvy world.

Porcelain Raft

In my day, people worshiped the porcelain god after a rough night. Clinging to the commode for dear life seems like a more relevant analogy.

Question? No Answer

You’re going to have to work it out for yourself.

Urban Ghost

This one gets in mainly because they’re playing at the Rendezvous, which is purported to be haunted. When we played there, I never saw a ghost but two kickdrum feet mysteriously disappeared.

Honorable Mention:

Plague of Turtles

In late 2013, I started writing a short story called “St Rage” that had in its backstory a teen band called Plague of Turtles (first mentioned publicly in this post). In 2015, the story was published as the January release in the Pankhearst Singles Club, then grew into a full-length novel, The Gospel According to St Rage. Plague of Turtles remains in the backstory but the members appear in a reconstituted group called Sack o’ Hamsters, then Legion of Morons, and finally, The Greebles. Yesterday, I was delighted to learn that Plague of Turtles is no longer fictional! It tickles me no end that someone else thought this was a perfect band name.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-April 22, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

This week, after a hiatus of 2 years and 3 months, my drums got to leave the studio and appear on stage at the Sunset Tavern when Your Mother Should Know shared a bill with Square Pig honorees Mud on My Bra! and Strange Like Us. The first show we’ve gotten as a direct result of this blog! The next day, my whole body ached from hauling gear and standing up most of the evening with a crowd of maybe 20 people. My only regret is that more people didn’t get to hear these fun and inventive bands, but I know how it is on a Tuesday night. And there’s always another show, some including these creatively named ensembles:

Count by Color

This appeals to my number-form synesthesia and begins to balance all those color-by-number books in my distant past.

Nation Underdog

A happy accident of spelling recasts our divided republic into the scrappy, lovable longshot.

Snake Suspenderz

Complicated by the lack of shoulders, solved by the lack of pants.

Subtle Triumph

Cool and confident enough to win without yelling.

Your City Sleeps

How you know you’re not from New York.

Coming Soon:

On Thursday, April 27, Your Mother Should Know opens an all-acoustic bill at Victory Lounge, with Not Dead, Sarah Pasillas, Alone in Dead Bars, and Sun Dummy. I’ll be playing small percussion and singing, including three songs I wrote for my novel The Gospel According to St Rage.

Facebook Event

The First Day of the Week

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210616-1900On Easter 2008 (9 years ago! Hard to believe.) I was inspired by the Resurrection story as related in John’s Gospel to try writing my own version from the point of view of the main character. I was happy with the result and shared it with a few people, but didn’t have a way to share it more widely. Now I do. Please accept this Easter gift:

THE FIRST DAY OF THE WEEK

“It’s time to get up.”

He stretched. The air was cool and still. It smelled strange, but not bad. The room was quiet and he seemed to have it to himself, a rare pleasure. That could account for the restful sleep.

“How do you feel?”

A strange question first thing in the morning. Not, “Did you sleep well?” or “Are you hungry?” But this whole waking was strange. He remembered things he didn’t used to know – things only God knew – but the last few days were a muddle. He couldn’t remember where he ate the Passover this year. Or whose house this was.

His stomach growled. “I feel fine. Better than fine – like God’s own son. But I’m starving. When did I eat last?”

“I believe it was Thursday.”

“Thursday? What day is it now?”

“It’s the first day of the week.”

He had never slept that long in his life. Perhaps that explained the muddle. Still, he must have needed the rest. “I had the strangest dreams. Nightmares, some of them.”

“Those weren’t nightmares.”

He felt a chill that didn’t come from the cool air. He opened his eyes at last and sat up. He had been lying on a stone shelf. Strange that it should be so comfortable, with only a little cloth for bedclothes. As he moved, the strange smell strengthened. Myrrh and aloes. He looked around at the small stone chamber – almost a cave, hewn out of solid rock. It was lit by a gentle radiance that seemed to come from the two figures at his head and feet. “Fear not,” they said together.

Angels. Interesting. “Do I look afraid?”

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Square Pig in a Round Hole-April 15, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

Thank you, Seattle weather, for turning nice just in time for the Tax March, Black Lives Matter March, and Easter weekend! We’ll try not to forget this when the rain returns sooner rather than later. In addition to a basket of five splendid band names, my Easter gift to anyone reading this is a an original story. Official release is tomorrow, but go ahead and enjoy it now. Meanwhile, those band names:

3-Piece Bikini

The dapper and businesslike look for the beach.

Broke in Stereo

When you move in together to save on expenses, but neither of you has any money to begin with.

Cranky Babies

Toddlers are the original punks. Makes me think of my favorite Jonathan Richman song, “Not Yet Three.”

A Heart in the Stillness

A tiny poem for moments like Holy Saturday, when the world holds its breath.

Trapdoor Social

Introverts’ escape hatch.

Coming Soon:

On Tuesday, April 18, Your Mother Should Know is on a bill at the Sunset with Mud on My Bra and Strange Like Us. I’ll be playing drums and singing, including three songs I wrote for my novel The Gospel According to St Rage.

Facebook Event

Square Pig in a Round Hole-April 8, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

In spite of an iffy laptop battery and April acting like a moody teen, the Square Pig persists! Standout band names this week include:

Bob Fossil

Jazz hands turned to stone.

The Crüd Güns

Nonlethal but disgusting weaponry. It’s funny even without the umlauts, which take it over the top.

Ghost Town Whistlers

Simultaneously cheerful and creepy.

Nothington

Everybody’s favorite small hometown they can’t wait to leave. (Appearing tonight at El Corazon with Square Pig faves Dead Bars!)

Paws

I’m a fan of one-word names that single out a body part, non-human in this case. (This also allows me to plug Paws and Claws, the new animal-themed anthology from Cake & Quill, for which I donated two stories and a handful of haiku. All proceeds to an animal charity! More info here.)

Wishing Shelf Book Awards Finalists and Winners

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Here is a link to the 2016 FINALISTS in The Wishing Shelf Book Awards, including my YA novel The Gospel According to St Rage. The children’s books were read and judged by children in 8 UK primary and secondary schools, the adult books by 2 Reading Groups, 1 in London and 1 in Stockholm. The books were marked according to EDITING, THEME, STYLE, COVER and, in the case of many of the children’s books, ILLUSTRATIONS.

If you happen to be looking for a good read, the readers at The Wishing Shelf Awards thoroughly recommend any of the finalists.
The WINNERS were announced on April 1st, 2017. Although my book was not among them, it was an honor to be chosen as a finalist and I look forward to feedback from the readers.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-April 1, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

What a week it’s been! A mix of musical, literary, and family experiences: on Monday, Your Mother Should Know (my two-piece garage band with my brother) played out for the first time since early 2015; on Tuesday, I met with a book club for lively discussion of my novel The Gospel According to St Rage; on Friday, my first-born turned 26 and got booted off our insurance (don’t worry, he’s got it covered, as it were); and today, Paws and Claws, a charity anthology in which I have two stories and a handful of haiku, was set loose on the world. Meanwhile, my novel is a finalist for a Wishing Shelf Independent Book Award; winners should be announced today. While I wait, my fancy turns to thoughts of band names. The listings this week gave up these treasures:

Alien Knife Fight

Why do we always assume extra-terrestrials have advanced super-weapons? Then again, maybe it’s a laser knife.

Box the Oxford

Love the internal rhyme, and how it could be a shoestore clerk or a retiring English professor.

Goodnight Moonshine

Contributing to the delinquency of a beloved children’s book. Goodnight noises, everywhere.

The Hinges

An example of a favorite band-name genre, it turns the spotlight on a mundane household object that allows us to lift lids and let cats in and out. (And of course I always want to support another music duo.)

 

Tin Foil Top Hat

Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean you can’t also be dapper.

Our Furry Friends #4

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Cake & Quill is a collective that publishes themed fiction anthologies and donates the proceeds to a charity related to the theme. Paws and Claws, to be set loose on the world on April 1, has an animals theme and includes two stories and some haiku by yours truly. Proceeds will go to Bob’s House for Dogs, which provides hospice care for dogs and readies senior dogs for adoption, among other good works. This post features my essay on pets from my past.