Square Pig in a Round Hole-February 10, 2018

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically.

Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

I am amazed and grateful to be surrounded by so much creativity. Last night we enjoyed scenes from three new plays at Ghost Light Theatricals’ Battle of the Bards. I have the privilege of reading advance copies of the books my publisher (Not a Pipe Publishing) is bringing out this year. How’d I get into this club? It’s exciting and humbling at once. And then there are the band names, which just don’t quit.

Between Seasons

Sunny and nice today, rainy tomorrow with snow in the forecast. We’ve reached that point in February where it can’t decide whether it’s winter or spring.

Dirty Rugs

If you clean it, the cat will just barf on it again.

Long Day on Mars

Sometimes I suspect bands of picking a name just to get my attention. Did they know I have an unpublished SF novel on my hard drive that includes a chapter about 3 space travelers on Mars, trying to get from their crashed shuttle to the base 90 km away before their oxygen runs out? It takes them more than one long day.

Nocturnal Mayhem

Great when it’s onstage; not so much at your neighbor’s house.

Two Headed Crow

As if they weren’t intelligent enough with only one head.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-February 3, 2018

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically.

Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

We went (by bus) last night to a concert at St. James Cathedral of a 14th century Mass, the first known setting by a named composer (Machaut). This was from back in the day when they were inventing the rules for music and notation. Seriously weird, cool stuff. But getting home at that hour (not even that late) by bus is complicated and time-consuming. After it was all over, I dreamed that one of the buses never came and we had to spend the night in a warehouse. It turned out to be full of drum sets, but then the ceiling collapsed, revealing even more drum sets in the attic. Clearly not a safe place to be sleeping, but visually quite cool. Then a giant (empty) cymbal bag floated down on top of me. I’d like to hear or even play a 6-foot diameter cymbal but it’s more interesting to imagine than actually deal with. I wish you simple, reliable transport if you go out to hear a band this weekend; maybe one of these:

Cumulus

I’ve actually heard this band live, so it comes as something of a surprise that I hadn’t featured them before. A massive pile of matter that yet floats in the air, altogether real but you can’t hold it.

Death by Overkill

Exaggeration wrapped in hyperbole. What a way to go.

Howling Gods

Deities lifting their voices dyslexically to the noom.

Mega Bog

Super-powered swamp creature rises from the undrained morass to save us from the real monsters.

These Fine Moments

What a good life is made of if you’re paying attention.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-January 27, 2018

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically.

Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

Some weeks, it’s a struggle to find five band names I want to write about; other weeks, the riches overflow. This was one of the latter type, with enough outstanding names for a post on Friday alone. I looked through the whole week of listings to be sure I chose the best. My search reaped this generous harvest:

Dismal Thinkings

I read “thinkings” as the intersection of thoughts and feelings, which can certainly take a dismal turn on a gray day in January.

Fossil Youth

Either old before one’s time or preserved in an immature state.

Green Milk from the Planet Orange

Delivered fresh daily by Luke Skywalker.

The Hollerables

When your indoor voice just won’t cut it.

Unbiblical Chords

A typo or mispronunciation turns our first source of nourishment into the devil’s music. I chose this one even before I did a double-take and saw the joke.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-January 20, 2018

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically.

Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

Not quick enough to get tickets to the Seattle Pop Punk Festival before day 1 sold out, I have enjoyed reports from afar. Almost a third of the bands are past Square Pig honorees: Botherations, Date Night with Brian, Dead Bars, The Drolls, and Stuporhero. Meanwhile, these non-festival bands made the cut this week:

Chronological Injustice

Either ageism or being born in the wrong century.

Final Body

Hint: it’s the one we die with.

The Go Aways

Lesser Seattle and the spirit of Emmett Watson live on!

The Mercy Ray

A gently beaming smile, or Tesla’s “Peace Beam” by another name?

Wrong Way at the Roundabout

When traffic gets tangled, don’t get mad; get out and dance. I also like how the alliteration isn’t obvious in the spelling.

Review: The Staff of Fire and Bone

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by Mikko Azul (Not A Pipe Publishing, January 2018)

I received a review copy of the e-book from the publisher.

The Staff of Fire and Bone is a thrilling tale of a misfit with a destiny to save the world of Muralia—and the power to destroy it. Cedron is the son and presumptive heir to the Regent of Dulnat, but he is hated for his mixed parentage in a world where the four peoples prize racial purity. It doesn’t help that he has recently manifested uncanny and barely controlled magical power. When he is blamed for a disaster during a festival, Cedron escapes the city pursued by enemies, but soon gains allies—and knowledge of his destiny to right an ancient wrong, a destiny that requires the very lack of racial purity for which he has always been hated.

Cedron is an appealing hero. He wants to do the right thing, but he’s young and doesn’t understand his power. He can be a hothead and makes terrible mistakes as he learns to use it without letting it use him for darker deeds. His quest for the sacred stones that will help him save the world involves narrow escapes, battles with enemies (and future allies), heartbreaking losses, and courageous sacrifice. But it’s not all dire. There’s plenty of the kind of comic business to be expected when adolescents have an adventure, as well as philosophical reflections on what power is for and what destiny really means.

Like the best fantasy settings, Muralia feels both familiar and deeply strange. Its mountains, plains, and sky are full of colorful giant birds and tusked herd beasts. The deities of sun, moons, and earth literally inhabit those orbs, and sometimes appear to Cedron in times of great need. Cultural practices of the various peoples feel rooted in long history.

My one (admittedly minor) complaint is that characters are constantly noticing, realizing, and deciding things. I’d rather these verbs were reserved for occasions when a character at long last makes an important decision, or notices something crucial for the first time, or finally realizes a critical truth that has been overlooked till now. The rest of time, don’t tell me he noticed; show me what he noticed; don’t tell me he decided; show me the action. This is my own pet peeve, so it stood out in any otherwise well told, imaginative tale.

But for the staff of the title, I would award 5 stars even if not for anything else. I can’t say much without spoiling, but it is the most shocking and beautiful magical object I have encountered in 40+ years as a fantasy reader.

Order your copy from your favorite independent bookstore by asking for it at the front counter, or order it from one of these fine online booksellers:

Powell’s HERE

B&N.com HERE

Amazon HERE

Kindle HERE

2018 New Year Greeting

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Every year, I write a little newsletter to send to family and friends. (It started out as a Christmas letter and morphed into a New Year’s letter as December became busier and more stressed.) I take it as a writing assignment with a deadline–the middle of January–and try to make it entertaining, informative, and brief. If I don’t have your snail mail or email address but you want to read it, anyway, it can be found here:

2018 New Years Letter

Square Pig in a Round Hole-January 13, 2018

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically.

Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

New readers (or even regular readers) of this blog might be wondering why a fantasy novelist is writing about band names. I blame my spouse. He started keeping a music-listening journal way back in 1985 or so. In 2010, he started a blog, Now Music in New Albion, to share his responses to what he was listening to, and suggested that I, at that time an unpublished writer, should start one, too. But about what? The world didn’t need another writing blog, and I didn’t feel like forcing myself to come up with new topics all the time. But every Friday, I would read through the club listings in the newspaper and share the ones that caught my interest. “Why not blog about that?” he said. My assignment to myself: pick five a week and briefly explain why I like them or respond to them in some other way. Square Pig in a Round Hole was born. It seemed completely unrelated to my other writing until September 2013, when I saw a sign for a storage place with a burned-out O. St Rage sounded like a band name to me. Over the next couple of years, I wrote a novel about them. The Gospel According to St Rage was published in 2016 and now I’m writing a sequel. And the blog continues unabated for the foreseeable future. Thanks to all the bands for their continued inspiration. Who made the list this week?

Creature Hole

This is either a cozy image of an animal snuggled down in its den for the winter; or a pit of horrors into which one is thrown by one’s nemesis. (To my delight, I find they were previously honored under an earlier name, Garlic Man and Chikn.)

meek is murder

Change one sound and an animal-rights slogan becomes an equation of non-violence with violence. All in lower case, it even looks meek; the better to take us off guard?

One Above Below None

This one has a tidy structure of binary opposites sandwiched between binary opposites. It implies being on top but not by much.

The Schizophonics

The Quadrophenia idea comes full circle. Music is good for your mental health.

West Hell

Is this the good part of town, or is it that special Hell one hears tell of?

Review: Little Red is Coming Home

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Little Red cover

Little Red is Coming Home: A Collection of Almost Fairy Tales by Angelika Rust

First things first: I received a copy of this book from the author and this collection of almost-fairy tales is NOT FOR CHILDREN.

Angelika Rust was the first indie author to prove to me that selfpub could be done extremely well, so I’m always happy to read her latest. This clever, charming, and compact collection does not disappoint. Although all the stories are based on Little Red Riding Hood, each one has its own voice and style as it plays with some twist on the theme of a girl in red headgear taking cake and wine to her grandmother and meeting a wolf. “Tradition” is a comic action-adventure in which the characters are forced by family tradition (or the story itself) to go through the same ridiculous acts over and over until one of them breaks out. “Rich Little Bitch” takes laughably awful characters for a humorous erotic spin. “A Cautionary Tale” is exactly as labeled. “Another Body” purports to be about a monster, but who is it, really? “Never Too Old” casts Red as the monster; or as a supernaturally powerful protector of the innocent. “Little Red Queen” has the flavor of ancient saga with roots in human savagery. “The Other Leg” inserts the mythic into a contemporary domestic almost-comedy. “There Were Roses” brings real magic into play as a deceased grandmother comes to the aid of the Duke’s daughter. “Let Them Eat Cake” forges redemption out of malice.

These stories do not answer the inciting question of what would have happened if Red had simply shared her cake (or “basket of goodies,” as it was told to me) with the wolf. Each one raises its own questions and is satisfying on its own or in conversation with the others. The whole collection can be read in an hour or two, or each story read and savored on its own. Either way, this is a worthy addition to the library of any reader who enjoys a grown-up take on a childhood classic.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-January 6, 2018

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically.

Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

Happy New Year and an enlightened Epiphany to all! Bands continue to feed me excellent writing prompts, so I expect to be here sharing them for the duration. 2018 begins with these lovelies:

Anime Creek

The tadpoles and crawdads have the biggest eyes!

goawaysun

Maybe not the time of year to be saying this; it’s only started creeping back! Wait till August.

Reader

The writer’s best friend.

Shoe Aquarium

That time it rained so hard, you were pouring fish out of your footwear.

Symptom of the Universe

Diagnosis: you (are) matter. (I didn’t know the song but I love it as a name for a Black Sabbath tribute band.)

Square Pig in a Round Hole-December 31, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically.

Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

It’s another New Year’s Eve! Although I might not make it all the way to midnight, even I am going out tonight. As we stumble toward the finish line of another year, I want to thank my tens of readers for joining the celebration of band names, and especially thank the bands for continuing to come up with names worth celebrating. In a stressful year like this one, we need all the little joys we can get. Let’s close it out with these gems:

Guardian Alien

I feel better knowing benevolent ETs are looking out for us, don’t you?

Iron Krill

Food of choice for anemic whales.

The Fungineers

Designing and fabricating their own entertainment. Maybe from mushrooms.

Vomitface

It’s a big party night! Have fun, but go easy on the cheap bubbly.

Weep Wave

Cry me a tsunami.