SPANK by Kurt Clopton (Not A Pipe Publishing, March 2025)
Here’s what the members of the band and some hangers-on say about the book they’re in:
“I started keeping a journal because I read somewhere that it was good for your mental health. I beg to differ. I really don’t understand how going back to wallow in every idiotic, bone-headed, epically dumb thing I’ve witnessed, done, or had done to me is in any way good for anybody. Why someone would want to publish it for others to suffer through is beyond me. All I wanted was a bass player for the band, but adding a new person to an already precarious mix can be messy. I know that messy is not even close to the right word choice but they won’t print the word I want to use on the back cover. Additionally, I don’t think this journaling thing made my mental feel any healthier.” -Kyle, journal keeper, vocals, bass, guitar
“I am completely misrepresented in this literary POS.” -Neil, vocals and guitar, #FreeNeil #NoNeilHate
“I picked it up based on the title, hoping for some light erotic paddle play, but it’s about a band. And not even a famous band.” -hotbottom54, spanking enthusiast
“I only read nonfiction about Abraham Lincoln, and only in graphic novel form. I also only play in the key of Eb.” -Kenny, keyboards
“I’m tempted to say Kyle doesn’t write the female voices very well, but the male characters kind of suck too, so it’s really pretty even. And sadly, very accurate.” -Jill, guitar
“I don’t know why Kyle bothered. I lived it and I don’t think it makes for a good anecdote over a beer, let alone a novel. And it’s not even quite a novel, it’s more a novella. Seems like that tells you all you need to know.” -Rob, drums
“I wish I’d read it before I agreed to join the band.” -Taylor, new bass player
“As management, do I get a piece of this book? And how much is 15% of f@#k all?” -Easton, band manager (filling the position no one offered him)
Order Spank in hardcover or paperback from the Not A Pipe Publishing store HERE.
Order Spank from Bookshop.org (which supports your local indie bookstore) in paperback HERE and hardcover HERE.
Order Spank from Amazon in paperback, hardcover, or Kindle edition HERE.
Order Spank in paperback or hardcover editions through Barnes & Noble HERE.
Now available in audiobook on Audible read by the author! Get that HERE.
MY REVIEW:
This is a hilarious story that keeps escalating the ridiculousness—a fun and goofy ride with a band of youngish adults who have mostly failed to mature.
Kyle and Neil started a bar band called Spank to play a particular brand of sloppy, funny rock and roll. They have a solid drummer and a drunken but talented keyboard player. All they need is a bass player to really reach the next level, whatever that is. (This part of the story will ring true for anyone who has played in a bar band.) Maybe they’ll record a few tracks to put online. Maybe they’ll get more gigs. Kyle suspects Neil of sabotaging any hope of progress, and records his thoughts in his journal as the band rehearses, fights, takes a road trip to play at a lakeside wedding, and gets the unexpected chance of a lifetime. Through it all, there is Jill, a beautiful and talented guitarist who is probably out of either Kyle or Neil’s league.
Recommended for readers who could use a raunchy, small-stakes rock-and-roll comedy about now.
Karen Eisenbrey 