Square Pig in a Round Hole-April 15, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

Thank you, Seattle weather, for turning nice just in time for the Tax March, Black Lives Matter March, and Easter weekend! We’ll try not to forget this when the rain returns sooner rather than later. In addition to a basket of five splendid band names, my Easter gift to anyone reading this is a an original story. Official release is tomorrow, but go ahead and enjoy it now. Meanwhile, those band names:

3-Piece Bikini

The dapper and businesslike look for the beach.

Broke in Stereo

When you move in together to save on expenses, but neither of you has any money to begin with.

Cranky Babies

Toddlers are the original punks. Makes me think of my favorite Jonathan Richman song, “Not Yet Three.”

A Heart in the Stillness

A tiny poem for moments like Holy Saturday, when the world holds its breath.

Trapdoor Social

Introverts’ escape hatch.

Coming Soon:

On Tuesday, April 18, Your Mother Should Know is on a bill at the Sunset with Mud on My Bra and Strange Like Us. I’ll be playing drums and singing, including three songs I wrote for my novel The Gospel According to St Rage.

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Square Pig in a Round Hole-April 8, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

In spite of an iffy laptop battery and April acting like a moody teen, the Square Pig persists! Standout band names this week include:

Bob Fossil

Jazz hands turned to stone.

The Crüd Güns

Nonlethal but disgusting weaponry. It’s funny even without the umlauts, which take it over the top.

Ghost Town Whistlers

Simultaneously cheerful and creepy.

Nothington

Everybody’s favorite small hometown they can’t wait to leave. (Appearing tonight at El Corazon with Square Pig faves Dead Bars!)

Paws

I’m a fan of one-word names that single out a body part, non-human in this case. (This also allows me to plug Paws and Claws, the new animal-themed anthology from Cake & Quill, for which I donated two stories and a handful of haiku. All proceeds to an animal charity! More info here.)

Wishing Shelf Book Awards Finalists and Winners

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Here is a link to the 2016 FINALISTS in The Wishing Shelf Book Awards, including my YA novel The Gospel According to St Rage. The children’s books were read and judged by children in 8 UK primary and secondary schools, the adult books by 2 Reading Groups, 1 in London and 1 in Stockholm. The books were marked according to EDITING, THEME, STYLE, COVER and, in the case of many of the children’s books, ILLUSTRATIONS.

If you happen to be looking for a good read, the readers at The Wishing Shelf Awards thoroughly recommend any of the finalists.
The WINNERS were announced on April 1st, 2017. Although my book was not among them, it was an honor to be chosen as a finalist and I look forward to feedback from the readers.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-April 1, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

What a week it’s been! A mix of musical, literary, and family experiences: on Monday, Your Mother Should Know (my two-piece garage band with my brother) played out for the first time since early 2015; on Tuesday, I met with a book club for lively discussion of my novel The Gospel According to St Rage; on Friday, my first-born turned 26 and got booted off our insurance (don’t worry, he’s got it covered, as it were); and today, Paws and Claws, a charity anthology in which I have two stories and a handful of haiku, was set loose on the world. Meanwhile, my novel is a finalist for a Wishing Shelf Independent Book Award; winners should be announced today. While I wait, my fancy turns to thoughts of band names. The listings this week gave up these treasures:

Alien Knife Fight

Why do we always assume extra-terrestrials have advanced super-weapons? Then again, maybe it’s a laser knife.

Box the Oxford

Love the internal rhyme, and how it could be a shoestore clerk or a retiring English professor.

Goodnight Moonshine

Contributing to the delinquency of a beloved children’s book. Goodnight noises, everywhere.

The Hinges

An example of a favorite band-name genre, it turns the spotlight on a mundane household object that allows us to lift lids and let cats in and out. (And of course I always want to support another music duo.)

 

Tin Foil Top Hat

Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean you can’t also be dapper.

Our Furry Friends #4

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Cake & Quill is a collective that publishes themed fiction anthologies and donates the proceeds to a charity related to the theme. Paws and Claws, to be set loose on the world on April 1, has an animals theme and includes two stories and some haiku by yours truly. Proceeds will go to Bob’s House for Dogs, which provides hospice care for dogs and readies senior dogs for adoption, among other good works. This post features my essay on pets from my past.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-March 25, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

So much to celebrate: the official arrival of spring, the temporary break in the rain, the maybe-permanent survival of the ACA, the moderately triumphant return of Your Mother Should Know to the stage after two-plus years away . . . and as ever, a generous selection of creative, amusing, inspiring band names:

Dead Meadow

Why you stay on the trail when hiking in subalpine terrain. And it rhymes!

Happy Heartbreak

Seems like an oxymoron, but it’s true: we love sad songs and tragedies. (I’m especially sad that the realities of life will prevent me from staying to hear them Monday night.)

Headstone Brigade

Implies the dead are active and on the march! (Coincidentally, I’m currently reading a novel called Dancing with the Dead by Charles Freedom Long, a sci-fi thriller that includes armies of souls of the dead (human and alien) that can be called upon to aid the living.)

Moose Blood

Aibell and Moose

Our friends moved with their cat to Alaska. She recently saw her first moose and was captivated. Through aspirational spelling, she is thinking bloody, predatory thoughts.

The Smallest Bear with the Biggest Paws

This sounds like an adorable children’s book; much better than The Big Mean Man with the Tiny Hands.

Your Mother Should Know opens at the Victory Lounge on Monday, March 27 in a stripped-down, highly portable configuration: two voices, assorted hand percussion,and one guitar with amp and a few pedals. Also on the bill: Happy Heartbreak, HuskyBoys, and Nijlpaard.

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Square Pig in a Round Hole-March 18, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

It may seem like the rain will never end, spring will never come, and everything keeps getting worse. But! We had a sunny day last week, hyacinths are blooming, and daffodil sightings have been reported. On top of that, there is still music to make and hear, and band names to celebrate. For example:

Dead Man Winter

A seasonal character who has overstayed his welcome; always old, nearly expired. (Bonus: the bandleader is also associated with past honoree Trampled by Turtles, of whom I wrote on September 8, 2012: I love this image, because of the slow speed. Anything heavy enough to do any damage, you could just roll out of the way. I picture some poor dude, passed out and engulfed by turtles. [N.B. Since this post, I have invented a fictional band called Plague of Turtles, no doubt inspired by this image.])

The Galaxytones

As retro-futuristic as the Space Needle.

Plastic Picnic

Toy food in a playhouse satisfies until it doesn’t. Is this where chefs come from?

Tiny Bones

In high school, my sister reassembled a frog’s skeleton and encased it in Lucite. Ever since, I have been fascinated by how small bones can be, whether in wee animals or our own ears.

Yawning Man

A deliberately boring arts festival in the desert. Everybody catches up on their sleep.

Review of: SuperGuy

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SuperGuy by Kurt Clopton (Not a Pipe Publishing, 2017)

SuperGuy eBook CoverAt heart, SuperGuy is a workplace comedy, albeit one that takes hilarious advantage of every superhero cliché in the toolbox. The story opens with the hero already in dire, ridiculous peril, then makes use of an extended flashback to convey SuperGuy’s origin story. And what a story it is, a workplace comedy in its own right. Through the alliances, petty rivalries and small-scale power struggles in the offices of city government, overeducated but unemployable intern Oliver Olson accidentally becomes SuperGuy when the mayor decides to fill a budgeted hero position in order to secure re-election. As a real if low-budget and modestly-powered (but not modestly-costumed) hero, Oliver has to quickly adjust to his new position, which has its own set of rules, alliances and rivalries. While still

Kurt Clopton
Kurt Clopton

learning what his powers are and how to control them, SuperGuy is forced into conflict with a bona fide supervillain, a brainiac with plans for world domination . . . and a serious crush on a diner waitress. I won’t give away how SuperGuy gets out of that opening peril, but the stage appears to be set for the next exciting episode.

I received an advance copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

Available for preorder March 12, 2017:

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Square Pig in a Round Hole-March 11, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

Support local music! Even if you can’t get out to many shows, give your favorite bands some love and buy their records. I can unreservedly recommend two albums that were released yesterday: Shelby Earl‘s The Man Who Made Himself a Name and Dead Bars‘ Dream Gig. They are nothing alike and I love them both. What would happen if Shelby hired Dead Bars as the backing band for her 4th album?

Back to the business of band names:

avians alight

Birds on a wire or birds on fire?

The Cheap Cassettes

First noted (by me, anyway) in 2015, the cassette renaissance continues. They must still be cheap, but can you buy a decent tape deck? We’re lucky to have one from the ’70s. The tape stock stank, but the hardware was solid.

Depths of the Sunset

Bickleton Sunset 1I grew up in the high desert of Central Washington, where we regularly experiences wraparound sunsets. Difficult to photograph, but this painting by my neighbor captures some of the depth.

The Fabulous Roof Shakers

Any name that starts with The Fabulous will capture my notice. This one goes to a place that promises joyful noise.

Genders

I grow more convinced there are 7 billion genders in the world. Here are some of them.