Square Pig in a Round Hole-September 23, 2016

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

This promises to be one of those weekends with no time for blogging, so I’m getting this post done early; for the first time, on the same day I collect material, so it should be out before any of these deserving bands play their shows.

And So I Watch You from Afar

I’m a sucker for long-phrase band names. Is it achingly romantic or plain creepy?

The Charlatones

Scam artists as clean-cut musical ensemble? I love this play on a classic band-name format.

Lilac

So, you know how most people who say they want to write actually mean they want to have written? I want to have gardened. I love having beautiful or edible plants on my property, but I’m terrible at getting things established. My biggest successes have been a couple of lilac bushes. One established with almost no effort on my part, while the other took ten years to start blooming. But now I’m rewarded every spring with my favorite fragrant flowers for no work. So.

The Master Debaters

I thought it a delightful coincidence that they were playing the week of the first Presidential debates, then learned they are actually playing after a live screening of the debates at the Royal Room. I like the not-so-subtle innuendo almost hidden in there.

NailPolish

Another classic naming scheme: the mundane object or product. Nail polish was the only cosmetic I used on a regular basis, although even that has fallen by the wayside. I might have to take it up again; the protagonist of my novel THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ST RAGE gains absurd confidence by painting her toenails silver before a show — even though she’s wearing boots and no one else knows.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-September 18, 2016

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

I’m blogging a day late due to a weekend roadtrip to Spokane to drop off our eldest at college. Walking back to our hotel after dinner, I felt like we should have been passing a dive bar where we would either discover an amazing band we’d never heard of or find Dead Bars headlining. Neither of these things happened. It’s good to be back in Seattle, where we find these five winners:

Filthy Femcorps

I like the no-apologies ownership of filth and fem together. This could be the house band for the Pankhearst Writers Collective, which in addition to my wide-eyed garage rock fairy tale has put out some pretty steamy Fem Noir.

Ratbath

Even vermin are interested in hygiene. Or is this a tub full of rodents? It also rhymes with “ratpath,” nearly the title of one of my favorite recent fantasy novels, Ratpaths.

Tiny Plastic Stars

Someday in the near future, my kids will move out and I will give their room a thorough cleaning. I’m sure I will turn up hundreds of party favors and carnival prizes, including a galaxy of tiny plastic stars. They glow in the dark.

Thank You Scientist

I like this future where a young person can fit their computer, TV, typewriter, stereo, library, and game console into a small backpack, and have a second supercomputer/communicator in their pocket. Makes moving into the dorm room quick and easy! Thank you, scientist(s)!

Vader Tots

This is probably the most adorable Star Wars pun I’ve ever seen.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-September 10, 2016

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

It’s been a great week here at Square Pig Central! On Wednesday, the self-titled EP by my fictional all-girl teenage garage band St. Rage got a nice review on No More Division. Then the novel in which they appear, THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ST RAGE, got two more 5-star reviews on Amazon. Yesterday, I learned that the Seattle Public Library has added 3 copies of the book to their collection. The sun came back, allowing for a lovely dinner last night on the patio at Little Water Cantina, followed by a nice walk home. And this afternoon, to quote the St. Rage song “Something of Mine,” my iron was high enough and they hit the vein, so I was able to donate a pint of blood for someone who needs it. And now I have the pleasure of celebrating these five band names:

The Everyday Losers

No big dramatic losses in front of millions here; not only losers, but mundane everyday losers. Who can’t relate to that? To quote another St. Rage song, “We’re all losers but we’re gonna make it look like we’re winning.”

Gopher Broke

This pun has it all for a country dance band: rural reference; cute rodent mascot; implied risk-taking; and an allusion to the usual state of a working musician’s finances.

Slime Girls

Putting the lie to the sugar & spice notion.

The Sunshine Factory

Things got backlogged for a few days last week, but our shipment finally came in.

Wasted Words

Song titles make wonderful names for tribute bands and this is no exception. Apart from the meaning of the original song, I like to read this as drunken utterance: the words one slurs while wasted.

For those who are interested, here are the two St. Rage songs referenced above:

 

Square Pig in a Round Hole-September 3, 2016

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

I’ve regularly paired up band names that I thought should be on the same bill. Occasionally, I’ll choose more than one from the same show. And now, for the first time in almost six years of writing this blog — ta da! — the whole list comes from one gig. (And they’re from out of town, so let’s give them a real Seattle welcome; bring on the rain!) I’m straying from my usual path of an alphabetical listing to get a better narrative flow.

Stick to Your Guns

Stray from the Path

Run Them Through

Expire

Knocked Loose

Four imperatives and a result. On initial reading, the first two seem to conflict, but perhaps they have an internal logic where sticking to your guns requires leaving the beaten path. Step 3 makes sense if we’re going to win this battle; step 4 gives us pause but may be the most important of all. The enemy, utterly bamboozled, is knocked loose.

 

 

Square Pig in a Round Hole-August 27, 2016

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

My book launch and concert last Wednesday confirmed what I have long suspected: I prefer shows (especially weeknight shows) that end at 9 p.m. rather than begin then. Sigh. I’m old. Although I get out only rarely, I will keep celebrating band names as long as people keep naming bands. This week I had to cull a longer list to reap these goodies:

Among Authors

An obvious pick for me, an author-musician, especially three days after my book launch party. Being among authors is not as intimidating as you might think. Mostly, we’re just folks. We will ask you to post a review.

Neat

Not the first adjective that comes to mind when describing rock musicians. It’s even better when you know they’re on a bill with past honoree Quiet.

PEARS

Like sex or a good punk rock show, the best pears explode on consumption and leave you sticky but satisfied.

Uh Huh Baby Yeah

Positive nonsense! Lyrics often make good band names, but backing vocals make great band names.

Vicious Petals

Usually it’s the thorns you have to watch out for. The petals might smell sweet, but hold onto your nose!

(Oh, you want to know what is this book I refer to launching? It’s a garage-rock fairy tale called THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ST RAGE. Learn more here.)

Square Pig in a Round Hole-August 20, 2016

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

As usua14054183_1354569261239712_4324214653806303752_nl there were many engaging band names in the newspaper and I managed to pick five. The one show I know I’m going to (because I’m in it) was not in the club listings, but rather in the Books section. On Wednesday, August 24, I will read from my novel THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ST RAGE and perform acoustic arrangements of songs from the book with Your Mother Should Know, Seattle’s only St. Rage cover band. The show starts at 7:30 p.m. at the Common Good Cafe at University Temple United Methodist Church. But enough shameless self-promotion! What about those five band names?

Acoustic Exile

If you’re playing acoustic punk rock, I imagine you might feel like an exile from both communities. Which is as punk as it gets. (And wow, I feel right at home with this, having played in an acoustic living-room band in the past and getting ready to play acoustic arrangements of garage-rock songs in a few days. It’s a very friendly exile.)

Champagne Honeybee

Classy and sweet with a sting. Or an upscale paint color AKA “yellow.”

Everybody Panic

What comes after the failure of Plan Z.

In God We Rust

Hard to remember during our brief, glorious summer, but the joke about Seattleites is we don’t tan, we rust. Our God rains.

Surf Monk

I picked this one because I like how it sounds like surf punk while evoking an image of a Fransican friar hanging ten. The reality is even better: “A Surf band that plays the music of Thelonious Monk, as well as referencing some iconic bass lines that “mash-up” with Monk’s famously obtuse melodies.”

 

Square Pig in a Round Hole-August 13, 2016

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

To everyone who was wondering when summer would come: here it is. I don’t want to hear anyone complaining about the heat. If you’re sweaty, find a bar, grab a cold one, start a mosh pit and all be sweaty together. If you’re not sure who to see, choosing by band name is a time-honored method. A few suggestions:

Karate in the Garage

I like this from a sound perspective: the two nouns have all the same vowels and most of the same vowel sounds, lending this a nice, flowing assonance. But there’s more! In the YA novel The Gospel According to St. Rage (by Karen Eisenbrey – who’s that?) the titular teenage garage band ends up practicing under the auspices of an after-school chamber music club. Bandleader Barbara quips, “A garage is a chamber.” Apparently it is also a dojo.

People under the Stairs

This could be a horror situation, but I read it as a comment on affordable housing. How much could you get a month for the closet under the stairs?

The Sharp Teeth

I enjoy band names that are body part, with or without an adjective. I like this one because teeth (sharp or not) absent a predator are not much of a threat unless you step on them. But put them in a working jaw, and watch out! (When my brother asked me earlier in the week if I’d ever blogged about The Sharp Teeth, I didn’t know I would come up one short because one of my picks was a past honoree. Glad to have a sub ready to enter the game on short notice!)

Space Shark

This one gives off a great sci-fi cartoon vibe, and also goes well with The Sharp Teeth. You’re safe until the helmet comes off.

St. Terrible

Is this a St. Rage tribute band?! Yeah, probably not. Maybe they should book a show together, though. I like the pairing of the holy and the destructive.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-August 6, 2016

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

It’s weird how we’re having June in August this year. Those tomatoes will never ripen at this rate. However, I imagine cooler days mean the clubs are less swampy. Get out and catch a good band before we have another heat wave! Here are some names that popped out at me this week:

Muscle and Marrow

Sounds like an unapologetically carnocentric restaurant. It’s fitting that this starkly physical name has such a solid poetic structure: a pair of alliterating trochees connected tendon-like by a conjunction.

The National Parks

I’m happy to celebrate our national parks, especially in this, the centennial year of the National Park Service. Fitting that this is a touring band — road trip!

Old Man Wizard

I’m also a fantasy writer, so always on the lookout for wizard references in the club listings. This one shines an impertinent spotlight on the high-fantasy trope of the silver-bearded sorcerer (you wouldn’t deprive an old man of his walking stick, would you?). For my part, I’m currently writing about a young girl wizard, just to begin evening things up.

Pop. 1280

I see small-town population signs as a game of can-you-top-this. For the record, this doesn’t seem that small to me. My town‘s sign was Pop. 90.

The Vile Augury

I have a fondness for exact words of disgust such as vile and loathsome, especially when combined with a $10 word like augury. This sounds like some rare, monstrous bird illustrated by Edward Gorey.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-July 30, 2016

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

On this, my 53rd birthday, Facebook tells me I have 4 events; 3 of them are rock shows including a couple featuring former Square Pig picks Skies Below, Ancient Warlocks, Bad Tats, and Terman Shanks, but I’m actually going to the one that isn’t a rock show because I can walk there, it’s not as late, it’s in the woods, and it’s going to be great.

I’m also sharing the gift of band names:

Don’t Move

Dance Ordinance Enforcement Committee! (Seattle has a history of various oppressive dance ordinances, which I’ve always thought explains why at many shows, everybody stands facing the stage and doesn’t move except maybe in the mosh pit, where there’s always this one huge guy.) I listened to one of this jazz group’s tracks; I dare you to not move.

The Gloomies

This transformation of a morose adjective into a plural noun gives it an ironically upbeat, sunny feel.

Out of Order

The placement in the listings leads me to believe they headlined, but perhaps it was an editorial instruction and they were supposed to be the opening act.

Pine Box Drive

To those not paying attention, this sounds like a pleasant tree-lined suburban street . . . until they arrive at the old haunted cemetery. And it’s their funeral.

Ragtag Romantics

Alliteration and a favorite adjective, making the case that romance doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Hearts can be full even when pockets are empty.

 

 

Square Pig in a Round Hole-July 23, 2016

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

I just had a whole week off and didn’t get to any shows! We got in a good band practice, though (see below for details), and I’m not taking a break from blogging because band names never rest.

Harrison Fjord

When you can make a pun with the addition of a single letter, do it. This appeals to my Scandinavian side as well as to the action-movie fan. I also recommend clicking the link to behold their hilarious ABC of genres.

Munkicrank

I originally chose this one based on a misspelling in the Times, but the correct spelling is just as appealing. This is a particularly badass windup monkey snare drummer.

TheMenstruators

Readers who were here last week might recall the list of fictional bands that came out of my virtual book launch party, including Andie Berryman‘s Nu metal band My Menstrus. I can say the same things about this real riot grrl band: I admire the frankness. The dudes are all squirming. Good.

Quiet

It’s opposite day at the dive bar.

Sleeping Lessons

Cats and babies are always showing us how it’s done.

 

Upcoming Event: Your Mother Should Know plays St. Rage

Book Launch & Concert for THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ST RAGE

Wednesday, August 24 7:30 p.m.

Common Good Cafe, 1415 NE 43rd St, Seattle

This event will include readings, Q&A, and acoustic arrangements of some of the songs from the book, performed live by Your Mother Should Know. The book released on July 14, so get your copy and bring it to the event for signing. There will also be a limited number of copies available that night; proceeds from books sold at the event will be donated to the University Temple Thrift Store.
Universal link: getbook.at/gospel

St Rage Cover“Meet Barbara Bernsen, Former Invisible Girl.

Barbara isn’t your typical high school junior. She’s been invisible since the third grade. But when a magic hat brings her back into the light, Barbara is ready to take on the world. First priority? Start an all-girl garage band. Miraculous super powers were never in her plan, but sometimes you get what you need. Bullies and school shooters don’t stand a chance.

Yes, we all love Wonder Woman, Black Widow, and Jessica Jones, but Barbara is the hero her high school deserves.

Truth. Justice. Rock & Roll.”

Facebook event