Square Pig in a Round Hole-June 17, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

Contrary to this article in The Hard Times, I don’t think we’ll be running out of band names any time soon. I have been blogging about five names every week for going on seven years and the supply seems undiminished. I have faith in the continued creativity and silliness of musicians. For example:

Adult Mom

Maybe doesn’t make as good TV as the teen variety, but deserving of all credit. Adulting is hard. Momming is harder.

Free Cake for Every Creature

Oh, how sweet!

*Shouldn’t we offer healthier options?* *Why do you hate pie lovers?* *Only if it has lemon filling.* *I hate lemon filling!*

You just can’t please some creatures.

Runaway Satellite

So long, earthbound losers! We’re off to explore the solar system!

Stranded by Choice

Love the double meaning. Are we stuck because of too many options, or intentionally moving to a deserted island?

Young and in the Way

That twist on a lowly preposition takes us from a sappy song lyric right into the life (and kitchen) that follows happily-ever-after. See above, Adult Mom.

 

Square Pig in a Round Hole-June 10, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

I just noticed that it has been one year since I moved the blog to this site. Apparently the move didn’t ruin it, so that’s cause for celebration. Also about a year ago, I was preparing for the publication of my debut novel, The Gospel According to St Rage. A major plot point in the book is the EP the titular teenage garage band is recording for the members’ senior project. I used my real band Your Mother Should Know to realize the songs of the fictional band and released the St Rage EP on Bandcamp to coincide with the novel’s release. At the end of the book is a discount code for the EP. This week, someone finally used the code. St Rage made a whopping $ .74. Is that enough to buy gum?

Meanwhile, the world is full of other bands with other names. Here are a few of them:

Diogenes

Still looking for one honest man? Probably best to stay away from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Gus Clark and the Least of His Problems

I like this twist on classic X and the Y structure. Everyone has problems, but your band shouldn’t be the biggest one.

Smashing Flannel

Perfect name for a ’90s cover band, which this is. But in Seattle, flannel is almost always a smashing choice.

Speakeasy

Most everything is improved by sneakiness and secrecy, but this caught my eye for another reason. Speaking as we were of the ’90s: anyone else remember the Speakeasy internet cafe? Our free-improv group Banned Rehearsal played in their back room in 1996; the building burned in 2001 but the internet business continued. In addition to broadband internet, they also provided web hosting and email. For those such as us who were grandfathered in, they still do.

The Wild Agenda Tonight

I’m digging the humorous formality of this reference to the evening’s plans. (Mine: in bed by 10). I’m also excited by the very existence of an all female alternative punk rock band from Eastern Washington, my old stomping grounds.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-June 3, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

Last weekend’s foretaste of summer was a treat after our long cold wet winter and spring, but I’m kind of relieved that the first few days of June have been characteristically cool and cloudy. I never trust a sunny June. Also, it’s more conducive to going indoors to hear some well-named band or other. Like maybe one of these:

Die Geister Beschwören

I’m a fan of band names that are a little too long, something that’s almost guaranteed if you say it in German. But I think I would have chosen Summon the Spirits or Call Up the Ghosts, too. I love the idea of getting help from those who have crossed over.

Drench Fries

Nothing spoils a nice waterfront lunch like a big wave overwhelming your fish and chips. Also, I want to see them on a bill with Razor Clam, below.

Girls Named Tomorrow

This fits with the theory that women invented language and calendars. There’s also the hope-filled idea of naming your daughter for the future.

Grubby Sweetheart

You don’t have to be scrubbed and perfect to be loved. Also, I want to see them on a bill with Square Pig faves Mud on My Bra!

Razor Clam

The most brutal and delicious of the molluscs. Needs to be on a bill with Drench Fries, above.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-May 27, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

What could be better than a holiday weekend with summerlike weather? How about a holiday weekend with summerlike weather that begins with the Dead Bars release show for their album Dream Gig? (I was the 50-something woman in a hat sitting by the doors at Barboza, singing along to “Earplug Girl” and “D-line to the Streamline.”) Also great to finally hear Ramona before they leave town, as well as Beverly Crusher and BOAT. As if that weren’t enough . . . band names!

The Birthday Massacre

Anyone who has seen what a 1-year-old can do to a birthday cake knows what this is about.

Bummer

Wrong

I might have considered either of these alone, but finding them on the same bill put them over the top. Two negatives create a positive time.

Sour Mash Hug Band

I suspect this name arose from the most endearing typo.

TV Broken 3rd Eye Open

The mundane leads directly to the psychedelic.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-May 20, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

This is usually a lighthearted space, but I must acknowledge this week’s shocking loss to music generally and to Seattle especially. I’m one year older than Chris Cornell. Therefore, the ’90s were my parenting-small-children years; I didn’t get to hear that decade’s music until much later. But even in the midst of maximum domestic chaos, I’d heard of him and appreciated Soundgarden as a band name. The intensely local nature of the name is hidden from the rest of the world while it perfectly describes the scene here: fertile ground for weird new music of all genres. The best memorial would be to get out and hear the new local sounds sprouting up even now. RIP Chris Cornell, gone too soon.

Everyone Orchestra

Whether it is for everyone or literally is everyone, I like the inclusivity.

Madame Damnable

Looks good on the page, sounds good to the ear. I also applaud naming a 3-piece band as a singular character.

Mount Analogue

I suppose this comes from the allegorical novel of the same name, but I could also imagine it as a fragment of technical instructions of some kind.

Sneaky Bones

When you’re not looking, skeletons creep up. Before you know it, you’ve got one under your skin. Spooky.

WE Are the Asteroid

How everything else on Earth sees the disaster that is the human race.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-May 13, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

Brunch and flowers are fine, but I propose a new Mother’s Day tradition: take Mom to a bar, buy her a drink, and introduce her to her new favorite band. If like me you’re missing her, lift a glass and sing her a song that was a hit before your mother was born.

This week’s favorite band names:

Dead Bird Movement

I’m stretching the definition of band name to include this modern dance and film company because they present live music/dance events and because I love the name. Things have come to a sorry pass when even dead birds start marching.

The Lonely Biscuits

Heartbreaking that even the beloved biscuit could be lonely. Invite them to brunch.

Queasy Horse

When your steed needs a hangover breakfast. Play on near-homophones that look nothing alike on the page; thanks, English spelling.

Sibling Revelry

Another one that isn’t exactly a band name but close enough for my purposes. This sister act spells it out: there’s nothing jollier than making music with your siblings.

Torpoise

Does hybridization speed up the turtle or slow down the dolphin?

 

Bonus gift: original fiction for Mother’s Day. Have tissues at hand.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-May 6, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

Right on schedule, it’s May and Seattle has already had a foretaste of summer in the form of two warm days and a thunderstorm. Didn’t even have to go out to hear some noise! And there’s no shortage of noise of the band variety, either. Here are the names that came to my attention this week:

All Them Witches

A rustic locution serving to downplay their spooky power. So many witches.

Cashmere Cat

As if they weren’t soft enough already.

Left on Tenth

Mundane phrases make reliably good band names. Also, I cross 10th on my drive to work. The street doesn’t go through, so if I turned left, I’d wind up in the park.

The Magic Beans

. . . and the next thing you know, you’ve got giants falling from the sky. Might be worth it, though.

Marble

Actual warning label on a bag of marbles: “Toy contains a marble.” If it didn’t, you’d want your money back.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-April 29, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

I’m recovering from a chest cold that was bookended by two shows in which I had to sing and drum. I thought I was tired and sore after the first one merely because of staying up late and hauling gear, but now I think darker forces were at work. I wasn’t back to 100% by the second show, but felt better by the end of it, not worse. Anecdotal evidence that singing, or music in general, is good for you. What else is good for health and morale? Why, good band names, of course! Check these out:

The Falcons of Fine Dining

I’m a sucker for intentional pretentious nonsense. “Tonight’s special is squab, punched out of the sky at 200 mph, then roasted with a medley of baby vegetables.”

The New Up

Formerly known as Down. It’s a topsy turvy world.

Porcelain Raft

In my day, people worshiped the porcelain god after a rough night. Clinging to the commode for dear life seems like a more relevant analogy.

Question? No Answer

You’re going to have to work it out for yourself.

Urban Ghost

This one gets in mainly because they’re playing at the Rendezvous, which is purported to be haunted. When we played there, I never saw a ghost but two kickdrum feet mysteriously disappeared.

Honorable Mention:

Plague of Turtles

In late 2013, I started writing a short story called “St Rage” that had in its backstory a teen band called Plague of Turtles (first mentioned publicly in this post). In 2015, the story was published as the January release in the Pankhearst Singles Club, then grew into a full-length novel, The Gospel According to St Rage. Plague of Turtles remains in the backstory but the members appear in a reconstituted group called Sack o’ Hamsters, then Legion of Morons, and finally, The Greebles. Yesterday, I was delighted to learn that Plague of Turtles is no longer fictional! It tickles me no end that someone else thought this was a perfect band name.

Square Pig in a Round Hole-April 22, 2017

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Square PigNaming a band is an act of concentrated creative expression. Square Pig in a Round Hole exists to reward five favorite band names each week. Winners are (usually) listed alphabetically. Selection is wholly unscientific and subject to whim, with a bias toward wordplay, humor, and local flavor. In most cases, I won’t know anything about the bands at the time of selection. Thanks to the Seattle Times club listings for abundant source material!

This week, after a hiatus of 2 years and 3 months, my drums got to leave the studio and appear on stage at the Sunset Tavern when Your Mother Should Know shared a bill with Square Pig honorees Mud on My Bra! and Strange Like Us. The first show we’ve gotten as a direct result of this blog! The next day, my whole body ached from hauling gear and standing up most of the evening with a crowd of maybe 20 people. My only regret is that more people didn’t get to hear these fun and inventive bands, but I know how it is on a Tuesday night. And there’s always another show, some including these creatively named ensembles:

Count by Color

This appeals to my number-form synesthesia and begins to balance all those color-by-number books in my distant past.

Nation Underdog

A happy accident of spelling recasts our divided republic into the scrappy, lovable longshot.

Snake Suspenderz

Complicated by the lack of shoulders, solved by the lack of pants.

Subtle Triumph

Cool and confident enough to win without yelling.

Your City Sleeps

How you know you’re not from New York.

Coming Soon:

On Thursday, April 27, Your Mother Should Know opens an all-acoustic bill at Victory Lounge, with Not Dead, Sarah Pasillas, Alone in Dead Bars, and Sun Dummy. I’ll be playing small percussion and singing, including three songs I wrote for my novel The Gospel According to St Rage.

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